The 23rd is fast approaching...

Why is the 23rd so significant? Three years ago, I went on my “first” OFFICIAL date. With bad timing (he’s in the navy, and was called in for duty), we put a hold on things. When he returned, we went out for a bit. But things had changed. It didn’t work out between us. We’re both to blame. And I am happy that we are still friends. Even now.

This is not going to be a post about “what-ifs”. This post is about remembering. To see it in front of me.

On our first date, he told me that when we first met he knew it was love at first sight. I was speechless.

To say the night was perfect would be an overstatement. It was awkward. The night was filled with blushing cheeks and butterflies. It was fantastically imperfect.

I want to remember the way he looked at me. The things he had said to me.

I want to remember how he greeted me every morning. And our late night conversations about nothing that would last forever. I want to remember how he never wanted to say goodnight because it would mean having to put the phone down. I want to remember how it became routine for us to count: “1…2…3…” at the same time to end the call. Moments later he would text me, telling me that he’s already missing me and that he’ll be dreaming of me.

I want to remember when he returned to me.

I want to remember when on a different date he insisted he didn’t need a jacket. Hours later, it was so cold that our breath could be seen. He tried to put on a front, saying that it wasn’t that cold. But it was obvious that he was when he shivered. He had ducked his head with a smile when we exhanged a glance. I bit my tongue to hold the “I told you so” that was about to escape in favor of tugging his arm and pulling him in. We held each other in the middle of a parking lot, his bare arms holding me under my jacket. My jacket that really was too small for the both of us. I remember smiling into his shoulder when he whispered that he didn’t think he could let go (and not because of the cold). I remember how his arms tightened around me.

Even if things did not work out, and I had to face the heartache that any ending of a relationship brings, I want to remember what he gave me.

He made me feel beautiful. He made me feel like there was no one else. He made me feel loved. That’s what I want to remember.

Here’s to my first.

<3

He’s not the love of my life, but at the time the love felt real. It was real. And I hope I won’t ever forget it.

Insomniacs Unite

Just met Bryce. Turns out he's an insomniac, like me. And he's quite the musician (not at all like me).

The people we come across. Neat.

i crossed that line.

from left to right: brendon urie, ryan ross, jon walker, spencer smith.

Yes, I did cross that line. I was that kind of fangurl who could recognize her once favorite band by their shoe styles.

101010 phone call

boy: Hey, sorry just getting back with you now
girl: You're sorry? It's been like a day. I'm the one who didn't get back with you for over a week, I'm sorry.
boy: *laughs* Oh, yeah, that's right. Don't do that again.
girl: *laughs* No promises.
boy: So, did you go to the meet-up on Friday?
girl: Yeah, missed you there. Everyone wondered where you were at.
boy: Sadly, I caught the cold that's been going around.
girl: No wonder--
boy: Maybe we can get together after Thursday?
girl: Yeah, we should. Work on getting better.
boy: *laughs* I am.
girl: The others are planning to go to the Asian Film Festival, wanna join in?
boy: Oh, you mean like the whole group?
girl: Yeah.
boy: Yeah, okay...*incoherent mumbling* Just tell me when.

092210 lame line that didn't turn out lame

girl: *lol at lame line* do people fall for that?
boy: whatever... you know your heart skipped a beat.

And my heart did skip a beat, but only after the dismissal of the lame line.

ETA: I forgot what the initial line was. XD

The World's a Broken Bone...

California, here we come...

(photo source: @thisisryanross)

I think all bees should smile.

The things Ryan comes up with. I just had to picture quote it. Gotta love him.

(quote source)

OMG am i going to have to write a fic about this here pic?

jon walker, yes, please keep looking at ryan like that.
also, this happens to be ryan's FAVORITE vacation moment. yes.

And yes, I gave in. I wrote a fic. Here's a preview:

I watch him.

Ryan paces back and forth. A joint rests between two long fingers. Every now and then it would touch his lips. When his fingers come away, a pink tongue would dart out, wetting a full bottom lip. Long legs keep an even stride as they carry a too thin body from one end of the living room to the other.

A song is in his head. Words are at the tip of his tongue.

He's just not able to utter them yet. He's completely silent. This has been going on for the past three hours. I should know, my eyes never left his body.