The 23rd is fast approaching...

Why is the 23rd so significant? Three years ago, I went on my “first” OFFICIAL date. With bad timing (he’s in the navy, and was called in for duty), we put a hold on things. When he returned, we went out for a bit. But things had changed. It didn’t work out between us. We’re both to blame. And I am happy that we are still friends. Even now.

This is not going to be a post about “what-ifs”. This post is about remembering. To see it in front of me.

On our first date, he told me that when we first met he knew it was love at first sight. I was speechless.

To say the night was perfect would be an overstatement. It was awkward. The night was filled with blushing cheeks and butterflies. It was fantastically imperfect.

I want to remember the way he looked at me. The things he had said to me.

I want to remember how he greeted me every morning. And our late night conversations about nothing that would last forever. I want to remember how he never wanted to say goodnight because it would mean having to put the phone down. I want to remember how it became routine for us to count: “1…2…3…” at the same time to end the call. Moments later he would text me, telling me that he’s already missing me and that he’ll be dreaming of me.

I want to remember when he returned to me.

I want to remember when on a different date he insisted he didn’t need a jacket. Hours later, it was so cold that our breath could be seen. He tried to put on a front, saying that it wasn’t that cold. But it was obvious that he was when he shivered. He had ducked his head with a smile when we exhanged a glance. I bit my tongue to hold the “I told you so” that was about to escape in favor of tugging his arm and pulling him in. We held each other in the middle of a parking lot, his bare arms holding me under my jacket. My jacket that really was too small for the both of us. I remember smiling into his shoulder when he whispered that he didn’t think he could let go (and not because of the cold). I remember how his arms tightened around me.

Even if things did not work out, and I had to face the heartache that any ending of a relationship brings, I want to remember what he gave me.

He made me feel beautiful. He made me feel like there was no one else. He made me feel loved. That’s what I want to remember.

Here’s to my first.

<3

He’s not the love of my life, but at the time the love felt real. It was real. And I hope I won’t ever forget it.

Insomniacs Unite

Just met Bryce. Turns out he's an insomniac, like me. And he's quite the musician (not at all like me).

The people we come across. Neat.

i crossed that line.

from left to right: brendon urie, ryan ross, jon walker, spencer smith.

Yes, I did cross that line. I was that kind of fangurl who could recognize her once favorite band by their shoe styles.

101010 phone call

boy: Hey, sorry just getting back with you now
girl: You're sorry? It's been like a day. I'm the one who didn't get back with you for over a week, I'm sorry.
boy: *laughs* Oh, yeah, that's right. Don't do that again.
girl: *laughs* No promises.
boy: So, did you go to the meet-up on Friday?
girl: Yeah, missed you there. Everyone wondered where you were at.
boy: Sadly, I caught the cold that's been going around.
girl: No wonder--
boy: Maybe we can get together after Thursday?
girl: Yeah, we should. Work on getting better.
boy: *laughs* I am.
girl: The others are planning to go to the Asian Film Festival, wanna join in?
boy: Oh, you mean like the whole group?
girl: Yeah.
boy: Yeah, okay...*incoherent mumbling* Just tell me when.

092210 lame line that didn't turn out lame

girl: *lol at lame line* do people fall for that?
boy: whatever... you know your heart skipped a beat.

And my heart did skip a beat, but only after the dismissal of the lame line.

ETA: I forgot what the initial line was. XD

The World's a Broken Bone...

California, here we come...

(photo source: @thisisryanross)

I think all bees should smile.

The things Ryan comes up with. I just had to picture quote it. Gotta love him.

(quote source)

OMG am i going to have to write a fic about this here pic?

jon walker, yes, please keep looking at ryan like that.
also, this happens to be ryan's FAVORITE vacation moment. yes.

And yes, I gave in. I wrote a fic. Here's a preview:

I watch him.

Ryan paces back and forth. A joint rests between two long fingers. Every now and then it would touch his lips. When his fingers come away, a pink tongue would dart out, wetting a full bottom lip. Long legs keep an even stride as they carry a too thin body from one end of the living room to the other.

A song is in his head. Words are at the tip of his tongue.

He's just not able to utter them yet. He's completely silent. This has been going on for the past three hours. I should know, my eyes never left his body.

Flying Inside Your Own Body

Your lungs fill & spread themselves,
wings of pink blood, and your bones
empty themselves and become hollow.
When you breathe in you’ll lift like a balloon
and your heart is light too & huge,
beating with pure joy, pure helium.
The sun’s white winds blow through you,
there’s nothing above you,
you see the earth now as an oval jewel,
radiant & seablue with love.
It’s only in dreams you can do this.
Waking, your heart is a shaken fist,
a fine dust clogs the air you breathe in;
the sun’s a hot copper weight pressing straight
down on the think pink rind of your skull.
It’s always the moment just before gunshot.
You try & try to rise but you cannot.

--Margaret Atwood

One of my favorite authors. How is she able to express such feelings? So many feelings. These words are so fitting. So very heart wrenching-ly real. I lived this, waking up from a dream. Feeling out of breath. Gutted. Heart pounding. Held down. Weighted. Too much. All at once. Fleeting and never ending...

Why must waking up be so difficult sometimes? Just out of the blue. Bamm. Welcome to my life and I want nothing more than to relive that dream where it was better than real life. What? Way to start the day.

Bi (Rain) Dancing

More Bi! This time of him dancing and being his goofy self.

(vid source)

Jung Ji Hoon (Bi/Rain) - Sang Doo, LGtS - Behind the Scenes

Jung Ji Hoon is my current obsession. He's the guy third from the left. And below is a vid of behind the scenes footage of Sang Doo, Let's go to School. Had this on repeat for ages. That song. Him playing that song on the piano. His face. That smile. *melts*



(vid source)

BnC Drabble: Restin' 'Ere with Me (G)

Challenge: Drabble - Snuggling
Title: Restin' 'Ere with Me
Author: DearOne
Beta: None
Rated: G
Warning(s): None
Genre: Romance, fluff
Pairing: Charis/Swithin
Previously on BnC: N/A
Summary: Swithin ponders about Charis.
POV: Swithin
Disclaimer: c l i c k.
Feedback: Yes please.
Completed: 05.06.04

***

There was a time when I couldn't hold her when she slept. Not because she didn't want me to, but because it was impossible for her.

She didn't sleep. Couldn't.

I held her when she was awake though. Now, don't get me wrong, I
loved and love doing so. But there's something in wanting to hold
the woman you love when she sleeps.

That's why I treasure the moment, now. To be able to snuggle with her as she drifts off to sleep... that's...

I just can't help but think: she's finally resting here with me.

***

♥ c
DearOne

BnC Drabble: Bloody Nummy (PG, Warnings)

Challenge: Drabble - Bloody
Title: Bloody Nummy
Author: DearOne
Beta: None
Rated: PG
Warning(s): Centers on something dead
Genre: General
Pairing: N/A
Previously on BnC: N/A
Summary: Charis cooks.
POV: Charis
Disclaimer: c l i c k.
Feedback: Yes please.
Completed: 05.03.04
A/N: (1) It's my first try at a drabble


***

I place the heavy weight of something dead on the cutting board to slice.

Turning on the stove, I watch for a moment the dancing intense blue element that is tinged with flickers of orange and red.

Then, when I see the formless shadow of heat waft into the air, I place the separated cuts in and make quick work of the kill.

I flip it when necessary and listen to it sizzle. I wait for the red liquid to seep out and at the first sign I move it out of danger.

I smile as I just made dinner, and made it the way he likes it; bloody.

***

♥ c
DearOne

Flash Websites

Disney Fairies - learn More about Tinker Bell and meet her friends. prettyyyy.

Nike - ♥ the Flash.

HomestarRunner - games. 'toons.

Why the list, you ask? It's this thing that started in Visual Arts class. We always had to keep our eyes open for sites that caught our eye. You have no idea how many sites were on my list. Anyway, these sites are just flashyinagoodwayandjustawesome. The list goes on. Old habits die hard. I like this habit.

Know of a good Flash site to visit? Comment and let me in the know. Please keep it public friendly though. ^-^

♥ c
DearOne

BnC FIC: Other Half (PG)

Title: Other Half
Author: DearOne
Beta: None
Rated: PG
Warning(s): None
Genre: Romance, fluff, drama
Summary: Charis finds her other half.
POV: Charis
Disclaimer: c l i c k
Feedback: Yes please.
A/N(s): (1)A response fic to Deli's, Soakin' Up the Sun (2)The song featured: Come Away with Me - Norah Jones
Completed: 04.16.04

***




Come away with me in the night...

Only half listening to the radio, I tap my left index finger on the leather grip of the steering wheel. I know the song will reverberate in my mind all throughout the rest of the day, but I listen to it anyway.

Come away with me

And I will write you a song...

As I speed down the road and make a hefty right, I think of everything and anything that happens to creep into my mind, mostly thoughts of the man who’s probably waiting for me by now. I curse the wretched watch on my left hand; scolding and willing for the thin silver hands to not budge.

Come away with me on a bus

Come away where they can't tempt us

With their lies...

One more right turn and I’ll be there, I keep telling myself, till finally I hit the parking lot. I delve into the first available space, and park.

I want to walk with you

On a cloudy day

Once inside the steely but warm and tranquil building, I sigh in anticipation. Only mere minutes till I find HIM. But each minute seems an ageless lifetime.

In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high









So won't you try to come...

I am instantly greeted by a couple, whom I met earlier. Nice folks, those two; Deli and Two. I decide there should be more beings in the world like them; God knows we need ‘em. They show me the way, and courteously leave me-- knowing we needed our privacy. Did I say they were smart too? This was my last thought till I saw him. My man. My Swithin.

God he’s beautiful.

I stand there, awestricken, not knowing how to approach him. But when he looks up from the old leather bound book he was holding, to acknowledge my presence, I know I was silly to feel hesitant. After all, we're meant to be and we’ve met before. But maybe I wasn’t feeling hesitant or unsure at all. Maybe I was just falling in love with him all over again.

Come away with me and we'll kiss

On a mountaintop...

He dips his head to one side, and looks at me under lowered lashes. For an instantaneous moment I think that he’s probably thinking the same thing. And when he shuts the book with one hand, then without looking puts it back on the shelf where he found it, and gives me that smirk of his, I know he was thinking the same thing.

Come away with me

And I'll never stop loving you...

I hear a hushed whisper, and know my name has just left his lips. “Charis...”

I don’t know who it was who came forward and stepped the few steps that separated us. All I know was that his body was pressed to mine, and his hands were in my hair, and he was kissing me.

And I want to wake up with the rain

Falling on a tin roof

While I'm safe there in your arms...

When we finally pulled apart, he just slipped a hand to my waist to turn me around. “I missed you, luv.”

“Missed you too,” was all I said, as we left the desolate room.

So all I ask is for you

To come away with me in the night

Come away with me...

~~~~*~

♥ c
~DearOne

Disclaimer for BnC Fiction

The character Swithin is based loosely on the character Spike, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the characters of BtVS and AtS. No infringement intended. I do not plan on gaining profit for the fiction. The idea of creating Swithin resulted upon joining the community, BnC. Visit the site to find out more information. Original ideas, plot, and any traits that differentiate Swithin from Spike are my own. Any other similarities of characters are coincidental. Furthermore, any commercial material and or songs featured will clearly be mentioned in my notes and belong to their respective owners, artists, etc. I am not in connection with and or intend to endorse said materials, artists, etc.

Entry #1[/edit]

I would rather NOT do the whole introduction thing for my first entry, as it will probably just get lost. Future entries will inevitably push it back. So who would see it then?

Who actually goes back to read previous pages/entries anyway? Right. I do. But do others? Hmmm...

Anyway, picture this still exists. Why still, you ask? Well, this place used to be a blog for a Visual Arts class that I will explain a little more about later.

So, what is this place going to be now? A place where I can post a little bit of anything. Mostly everything. Things I come across that I just need to talk about. Funny things. Sentimental things. Awesome things. I'm rather random. Too random, really. I'm rather incoherent, as you'll soon find out. So, let's just see how things go.

You'll also find stories that I write.

Just so we are clear, I am NOT a writer. However, I do write. I write for myself and for the readers that happen across my work. I like to hope that people I know in "real life" don't read my stories. That would be mortifying. Even more so, I think It would affect my freedom to write what I want to write. Yeah, that made sense. No, really. I would feel limited somehow. Like I wouldn't be writing for just me. And I write to be me to get away from being me. Clear as mud, I suspect. Sadly, I don't think I can get much clearer than that.

I like to hide behind my anonymity. And that's that. I won't connect this to my writing journal. I think I want this place to be a bit more personal. So, why make this public? I don't really know, maybe because there is something to wanting to be heard, even if it is behind a mask. Anyway...

Right.

Now, onto the explanation for that "still." picture this was not so much with the empty space before this new first entry. This place used to hold my ramblings for a VSAR class I took in college last semester. Creating a blog was our first assignment. I was to document how my projects came to be, how they were created, changed, completed... Funny how I left my favorite piece of work incomplete. If you are interested to see what it was, check out the following site: starrielight.

Yeah, I made that site using flash. It took forever, mostly because I did everything (the drawings) by hand and let me tell you, piecing it together took forever. It was too involving. Too time consuming. I love it all the more because of how difficult it was. Anyway, I won't go on with the details of the project, nor my other projects. I deleted them. They used to be housed here. But who really would like to see a flash movie of a ball bouncing into a box? Okay, maybe it was pretty cool. Maybe I shouldn't have deleted it. It was done on impulse. And I'd rather not regret it now. Damn. Too late. Regretting

Moving on. (So much harder to do in real life!)

Anyway, the class is over. I got an 'A' and it was not just for effort! I had presented my finished site offline. My old server went down. I saved my work and uploaded it to the first place I found that hosts for free.

This is getting long and it is looking awfully like an introductory post, isn't it? Haha! Guess a first post is a first post. So I'm just gonna stop here, for now. :)

♥ c
~DearOne